


Chrysalis

by Saberin



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, adult nkmk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saberin/pseuds/Saberin
Summary: In which they seek each other for more than just physical comfort or they're both dumb idiots





	1. You're twenty-three Maki

**Author's Note:**

> for myon and cheddar <3

**You're twenty-three Maki**

 

It has been weeks since her phone last lit up with a text from Maki, a doctor now, yet still a child who couldn’t fix her own problems. Weeks, since Maki’s last major update with her very busy adult life, not that Nico cares that much. _Not_ _really._

 _‘Are you still up?’_ Maki’s text says, sent at 1am on this night. Nico reads the text and rolls over on the bed, contemplating her choices. Pros? Nishikino Maki. Cons? Literally everything else. The way that girl stinks of antiseptic and expensive perfume, a combination that chokes. The way Nishikino looks at _her_ and expects Nico to fix her state of mind.

Nico takes one last lingering look at her device before tossing it on the bedside table and plopping her face into the pillow. It takes everything within her not to reply; the soft spot for her junior never faded even years after graduation. Mostly because Maki gets herself into situations that are so _stupid,_ and gets herself hurt all the time. Like that previous fling she had, if that could be counted as one.

On occasions she wonders if Maki takes advantage of it; she has many weak moments when it comes to Nishikino Maki. When their clothes are off and mouths silent, lips pursed and on each other’s, she’s _weak._

 _‘I know you’re still up Nico’_ Her phone buzzes once more, lighting up her room in faint blue. The constellation on the ceiling reflects the stars that she can’t see. And she can’t bring herself to remove it ever since Maki pasted it on years ago.

‘ _N_ _ico?’_

Nico picks her phone up again, hesitantly unlocking it before Maki’s icon flashes back. A picture of Maki she snapped in secret, one where Maki had a rare contented smile.

' _I’m not’_ Nico jabs the screen with more force than needed. _‘don’t assume I am’_

_‘but you’re replying me right now.’_

The next text arrives before she finishes her reply. _‘can you head over?’_

Honestly, she is a little apprehensive, the night is never a good time for her emotions. Especially not when it is snowing hard and her living quarters are void of heaters. It makes her crave human contact and warmth. But when texts come in increasingly needy, she feels herself waver.

 _‘nico please just come to me’_ The last one tilts her over and sends her searching for her keys.

It _definitely_ isn’t a good time to visit Maki, Nico thinks, as she hastily slips on her shoes and make her way down the next block. _She shouldn’t be doing this,_ she curses under her breath, as she walks past the familiar streets in the snow, down the bar they frequented and past the park they spent many of their weekends at.

She thinks about how warm it would be to have Maki in her arms again.

And when she thinks about Maki, she’s weak.

 

* * *

 

Maki’s new house isn’t nearly as impressive as the one her parents had, but it still manages to look grand with all the extra décor. Like this very unnecessary gold plating on this very expensive looking wooden door, or that out of place number pad in a neighbourhood that generally uses keys.

She sees the light from the room on the second floor flicker off, and feels the cold seeping into her bones. It feels almost like her visit to Maki years ago, right after graduation: guilt and longing all at once.

Three numbers are punched in before Nico hears the solid ‘beep’ and the door clicks open. She turns around to the soft panting to see Maki, clad in her work shirt and tie, black pants to go with. And _damn_ she looks good, Nico notes, biting her lips a little too forcefully. It’s no wonder that the tabloids chose Maki to photograph so frequently.

“Oh,” Maki greets, flushing slightly. Nico thinks she looks flustered and almost a little lost.

Like that one time she oversaw Maki in college freshman camp.

Or that one time she caught Maki making out with somebody she knew.

Or that one time she called Maki cute.

There is that brief momentary silence, as if Maki didn’t _expect_ her to come. Her chest stings just a little, because by right now it is almost like a tradition _._ Getting invited and coming over at the end of the year, whenever Christmas nears.

Nico walks over to the window that oversees the bright lit living room, out and away from that awkwardness, and lightly touches the glass. It’s warm, and the house looks inviting with festive lights hanging from the walls, colors flashing on this very cold night.

And her small potted plant sits squarely on the windowsill, right smack in the middle, almost a little out of place.

“I see you still keep the potted sunflower I gave you three years ago,” Nico points at the plant indoors, with Maki’s name hastily scribbled on the pot. “A great addition to your dull life.”

“Yeah I kept it.” Maki nods, standing still, with confusion painted all over her face and arm half stretched inwards. “Do you want to-”

“I’m glad I gave you a fake one, because god knows you don’t maintain anything right in your life.” She continues, sidestepping Maki.

“You mean, as fake as your personality?” Maki laughs softly by her ears.

“Rude.” She replies, walking into the house that almost feels like a distant second home. The familiar smell hits her, the feeling of _returning_ here hits her and leaves her strangely at ease.

“I’m the victim here.” Maki follows after.  It is only when the door shuts and warmth hits that Nico finally registers that she is alone with Maki again.

“I did water it for about a month.” Maki admits quietly over the soft music box playing in the corner.

Nico ducks into the kitchen and barely hides her smile.

 

* * *

 

“So, what’s up?” Nico asks, pouring herself some water.  “Maki?”

At that, Maki raises her head slowly and gives her hair a nervous twirl. Nico raises her eyebrows in turn and taps the counter. “So?” Nico leans forward slightly. The smell of alcohol hits her nose and she screws her face up in mild disgust. “Wait, did you drink?”

“Nothing much. And I didn’t drink much either.”

“Oh _come on_ ,” Nico spits back. It is almost like Maki is fifteen again, except she is _twenty-three_ and still incapable of speech. “I didn’t walk all the way in the snow just to hear _nothing.”_

Silence hits once more, not the comfortable one they used to have, not like the days when they used to sit side by side in the music room just spending time together. It is one where the silence permeates and she could almost _feel_ that Maki is considering her words carefully. Taking cautious steps and tiptoeing around her; she hates a Maki like that.

“I’ll take your coat.” Maki reaches out before Nico pushes her arm away, a sudden realization that out of all the coats in her wardrobe she could’ve chosen, she picked Maki’s coat.

“I know where the hanger is.” Nico replies in a quiet voice. She steps out of the kitchen and throws her coat over the hanger at the back of the living room. A cracked tile at the right corner, and that coffee stain that they never managed to wash off. She knows this place better than the back of her hand.

It is almost like Maki never cleans her house after Nico leaves. Evidences of Nico’s short stays are strewn all over the house. That camisole? From two visits ago. The jeans she never managed to find are draped over the couch. And that’s _her_ pink underwear that’s on the floor.

The moment she takes her coat off the silence shatters, and she hears the same soft laugh.

“You came here in your _pyjamas?”_ Maki bursts out, incredulous look on her face.

“W-what’s wrong about that? It’s a nice camisole. I was about to go to sleep.” She hangs the coat and gives Maki a look. “You’re still in your work clothes too.”

“Isn’t it cold outside?”

“I have your coat.” Nico shrugs, “Maybe just a little.” The camisole is too short for her liking, for winter anyway. She retracts her previous thoughts when she sees Maki glancing at her exposed legs.

“Hey Nico? Wanna drink with me?” Maki asks softly.

And of course, she never refuses; she doesn’t believe she has the ability to reject Maki either. She gives a small nod and Maki scurries back into the kitchen.

That’s how it always goes.

 

* * *

 

Maki sets down her red mug and sucks in a deep breath. Nico eyes it a little, it would always send a slight sting to her chest, because it reads ‘I love my gf’; Maki got them both matching mugs last Christmas. A red and pink pair, custom made _._

She _almost_ thought they were a thing then. But gal pals exist in Maki’s dictionary rather than girlfriends.

“What would you like? Neat or on the rocks?”

“You are no bartender Maki-chan. I’m fine with whatever you are having.” Maki visibly flinches at the honorific before popping a bottle open, and mixing them vodka with orange juice.

“Sometimes I wonder if you would mix up antiseptic with your drinks,” Nico comments, pretending that nothing transpired. “You know, since they almost smell the same.”

“I’m a professional, Nico.” Maki passes the pink mug over. The ice makes a familiar noise as it swirls in the mug; it feels oddly comforting, even when she knows it blurs the line between them.  

“Nope, not even in the drinking sense.” She takes a sip of it. It tastes more like orange juice than anything, perfectly mixed for her taste.

“That’s mean, I can probably open your skull in three different ways.” Maki swirls her own mug, and gives a half smirk.

“And I could have you spread your legs open for me in more ways than three.” Nico winks back, basking in delight as the flush lights up Maki’s cheeks. “Awww Maki-chan are you _blushing?”_

Maki scowls, the tip of her ears turning pink.

“Shut up Nico.”

 

* * *

 

“How is your job going?” Nico asks, after they've settled down on the couch. Small probing first, because Maki never reveals anything when she is too lucid. If she has to describe their current relationship, it is almost like two exes breaking up on good terms. Except they were never official. Even with the endless flirting that is mostly from her side anyway.

“Fine.” Maki takes a long drink from her own mug, legs crossed and posture poised. “H-How are you doing with your flower shop?”

“Fine.” She replies immediately, and they sink back into that state where neither wants to elaborate. She asks the first thing that’s on her mind. “Are you going to invite them over for Christmas this year?”

“Muse?” Maki pours herself another cup, shuffling her feet. “I don’t think so.” She continues, grabbing a nearby cushion and hugging it tight.

“Won’t be home?”

“Most likely. Christmas event at the hospital and I have to be there.”

“Figured.”  Nico says, rolling her eyes. It is nonetheless a very lonely thing; she thinks about Maki spending it at the hospital and feels a wave of empathy hit. It has been a few years since she last saw Maki at a Christmas party, or any other social gathering at all. At least, never with her around.

They drink in silence for a while, both of them taking time to drink in the _view_ before them. Maki’s shirt has three buttons undone from the top, and Nico has half her mind convinced that Maki did it on purpose. Who does that with a tie still around one’s neck? Not that _she_ herself isn’t flaunting her assets though, Nico smiles just a little wider, crossing her legs when she notices Maki’s lingering gaze on her legs yet again.

Silence is shattered by Maki almost half an hour later, and Nico looks up in mild surprise. “Will you be going home?” Maki questions as they lock eyes.

"Hmmm…. Maybe. Why are you asking?” Nico answers, well after five seconds of staring each other down. She grins, watching Maki shy away from the eye contact awkwardly. “Will Maki-chan miss me?”

It takes Maki a few moments to register the question fully. It isn’t difficult to answer, but it is always a struggle between honesty and her pride. Especially since Nico’s looking smugly expectant, with _i know you always do_ slapped all over her face. And that the alcohol is beginning to make the entire thought process very difficult.

Nico watches in amusement as Maki shifts uneasily in her seat, eyes darting everywhere else but on her. She lets the question go unanswered and part of her feels oddly relieved. “Are you drunk already Maki-chan?” Nico giggles, noting Maki’s lack of eloquence. She shifts over to sit right beside Maki, ignoring Maki’s soft gasp. _No strings attached,_ she reminds herself as she downs another quarter cup of her drink. “This is only the fourth cup. And its mixed.”

 “N-No way, I’m not that _weak,_ Nico.” Maki coughs lightly, covering her face with the back of her hand. “It’s just that... I’m a little sleepy right now. I mean, look at the time.” Nico laughs as Maki pours more liquid into her cup, spilling a little over the edges.

“I’m not _drunk_.” Maki insists, arm shaking as she pours. “Just shut up and drink.”

“Tch. If you say so.”  Nico raises her cup and downs the rest in a single gulp. “More please.”

“Are _you_ trying to get drunk though?” Maki shoots her a concerned glance.

“It’s probably better this way.” Nico replies, a slight tone of bitterness slips in. Even if she consciously reminds herself not to. “At any rate, your face looks better when everything is spinning.”

“I could probably say the same.” Maki shrugs.

“Oh yeah? That wasn’t what you said the last time you planted your face on mine.”

“That wasn’t what you said when you kissed down my neck either.” Maki manages a wink. That’s Maki flirting alright, Nico almost laughs, because _god if Maki doesn’t suck at this._

It is the slight curl at the corners of Maki’s lips that tips everything over; it turns into a full blown smile the moment Nico giggles.

“ _Okay,_ Miss Hottie.” Nico jabs a finger at Maki’s chest. “You maybe just so slightly _hot,_ but you’re absolutely rotten on the inside.” She attempts another jab before Maki grabs her finger firmly.  

“And you look sweet like candy and taste like expired brandy.”

“What? Are we speaking the same language? And _shut up_ Maki.”

“Never.” Maki replies cooly, before leaving a quick kiss on the back of Nico’s hand.

“Ugh, great. Where is the detergent?” Nico barely manages a retort, feeling her stomach flip the moment Maki’s lips made contact with her skin. Being absolutely smitten with Nishikino Maki? _Highly possible._ She mentally berates herself for caving in every single damn time.

But two could play this game, since she’s almost a hundred percent sure that Maki checks her out too.

“You’d eat me out anyways,” Nico continues, “Sure you aren’t in love with me?”

It takes Maki a long while, she stares at Nico like she’s asking an absurd question. Her brows furrow and she gives Nico the most incredulous look she could muster.

“Wha-” Maki begins, “How _-”_ The unasked question lingers in the air, but Nico gets it anyway.

Nico raises her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side. There is a mad blush on Maki’s face as the junior desperately retracts her words, drowning out the unasked question with blabberings. _Bingo,_ she thinks. Does Maki take her for an idiot? The signs are all there: they even both admitted that they _like_ each other. Intoxicated as they may be, there is always a slice of truth in such things.

God knows what Maki’s thinking of, but she sure as hell isn’t making the first move. She is _not_ going to be the one to pop the long overdue question.

“Your face is flushing.” Nico traces a lazy finger on Maki’s cheeks. Maki flinches for the second time that night, before staying still.  “And so are your ears.” Nico leans in and whispers softly, moving the finger to the back of Maki’s ear. Tracing the back of the neck agonizingly slow, she smiles to herself when Maki shivers unconsciously.

“Alcohol.” Maki splutters out, inching just so slightly away.

“Oh?” Nico holds Maki’s ear between her fingers and pulls her back, almost like a parent would to a child. She gently rubs the tip after. Skin burns under her touch and Maki whimpers softly in response. This is _her_ expertise _._ Who else knows all of Maki’s sensitive spots besides her? She leans in and caresses her ear with her teeth, nibbling just so slightly.

“S-Stop it Nico.” The whiplash from Maki’s drastically changing moods almost made Nico cringe.

“Stop what?”

“Nico-chan.” And at that Nico stops, because it has been years since Maki last used the honorific on her. The shock must have reflected in her eyes, because Maki finally looks into Nico’s eyes in seriousness, still blushing in all her glory. It is something that she didn’t quite expect from Maki; almost like when they were in high school again, the same gaze that Maki gave when they kissed for the first time.

“What if I say I will?” Maki whispers back, barely audible.

“You will what?”

“I will miss you.” Maki mutters, looking almost slightly ashamed. Like a child caught doing wrong. “I-I mean…”

“Oh.” Nico drops her finger. “You mean?”

“I-I mean…” Maki leans her forehead against Nico’s and sighs, their noses bumping just so slightly. “I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

Nico thinks she likes this Maki much better, cute and devoid of anger and whatever that is plaguing the heir’s life right now.

“And I’m only flushing because of you.” She hears the softest whispers.

Nico chuckles when the last words are said, pulling Maki close. Maybe, she thinks, just being around Maki isn't so bad. She smiles into the kiss, feeling the corners of Maki’s lips mirror her own.

“Flirt.” The smile on her face is no doubt a full blown one, but at this moment Nico doesn’t really care.

“Wha-”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

 

* * *

 

 

The door shuts with a bang; she barely registers that it’s Maki’s bedroom before Maki pulls her close, lips already eager on her neck. Nico punches the wall blindly, her vision fogs and her body caves with want as she leans back into Maki. The switch should be here somewhere, she came here multiple times after all.

A blast of light fills the room at the flick of a switch, and Maki’s movements only increased with fervour. Hands roam under clothings, eager to make contact with skin. The only reason why they are still clothed is because they both know they enjoy it when they make a show of stripping. Maki pulls her into a fall and they collapse on the bed with Maki lying on her side, arms wrapped around Nico.

“What happened to never coming back to me for a rebound?” Nico breathes in between kisses, feeling a little indignant as she pushes Maki’s inching hands away from her thighs. _Lightly_ of course, she wouldn’t want to give Maki the wrong idea that she is not inviting.

The bed sinks with their weight, and she is almost too conscious of Maki’s presence, especially since the room is big enough to feel like there is nothing but them, and quiet enough to hear Maki’s ragged voice near her ears.

Maki pants lightly, leaning her whole weight on Nico’s side as she pulls her even closer, but keeps quiet nonetheless. Silence between them is not uncommon, but when Maki looks at her with eyes that speak of things never to be said, it only makes her more frustrated.

She has known Nishikino Maki for eight years, banged her for three and she never received a direct answer. She thinks she had quite enough.

“Maki? Are you gonnaa answer-” And Nico’s words slur, the effects of the liquor that Maki fed her earlier starts to hit. How untimely. She asserts her dominance by giving Maki a rough kiss on the lips anyways, rousing Maki from her drunken stupor.

“So?” She manages a simple word.

“I-I thought wrong,” Maki finally admits, burying her face into the pillow.

It is a low mumble, but she hears it too clearly. That overly husky voice that sounds like it has sandpaper shoved down the throat. Raspy even, especially after Maki imbibed what seems like at least five mugs.

“Nico...” Maki mutters her name softly, the only word she manages.

Something ignites within Nico, part sadness and something else she can’t quite identify at that moment. She hates it when Maki gets drunk, previous experiences taught her drinking correlates with bad events.   

“What’s got Doctor Maki all like this?” Nico teases, hooking a finger at Maki’s collar, and tilting Maki’s chin up. This girl needs to loosen up, and perhaps Nico would like her better when there isn’t any article of clothing left. She gives the tie a tug at the lack of response, chuckling at the flare that fills Maki’s cheeks.           

“N-Nothing?” Maki’s voice shakes a little, “W-why are we stopping?” Kiss is good, and when Nico is kissing _her,_ she doesn’t need to think about anything else. Physical contact alone is enough to cure her of that aching from within.

“Nico-chan just-” Maki continues, tugging at Nico’s sleeves. Why is Nico resisting when she craves her so much? Is she not enough?

Maki begs. “Please…”

And Nico’s stomach lurches, gut twisting. Heat sears below, and she feels wetness pooling. She looks at Maki, hair splayed red across the pillow, strands of hair against her wet neck. Does Nishikino Maki even realize how absolutely _hot_ she is? Even when she is a drunken mess. Probably the hottest in town, and Nico would have no qualms getting into her pants if Maki’s sharp mouth hasn’t poked her full of holes.

“Never mind about that, I like you better when you’re quiet.” Nico complies, taking Maki by the lips. “Or when your mouth is on mine.” She bites down on Maki’s lips, feeling the taste of iron invade her mouth. It only sends her into a frenzy when Maki whimpers, returning the favour by sucking on Nico’s lower lip with equal fervour.

A rough push later, Nico’s on top and Maki has her mouth agape and eyes wide.

“What? Did you think you’re going on top this time?” Nico gives a half smile. How could she resist when Maki is like that? _God, she loves her so much._

“You’re going down babe.” She says, and kisses the complaints away.

“Wait-”

Nico reaches for the neck tie and tugs.  _R_ _oughly._ It effectively shuts Maki up, and Nico quickly removes it with ease. She flings the black tie aside, hearing it land across papers regretfully.  Maybe it would be put to better use the next time they rendezvous.

She traces down Maki’s chest for good measure, fingers making lazy detours as Maki watches on quietly. She could almost feel Maki’s heartbeat thumping under her fingers, pounding so madly it matches her own. She makes Maki’s heart race, Nico thinks, almost dizzy at that thought.

“Do I make your heart race too?” Maki asks softly. The blush is back on, they both _know_ that it's a question imbedded with another.

“You wish.”

“Then what does this mean?” They switch places in a sudden move, and Maki has her palm on Nico’s chest the next moment. “It’s pounding.”

It takes Nico a while to register the situation, cheeks aflame at Maki’s forwardness. She slaps Maki’s hand away forcefully. “This means,” She takes Maki by her collar and rolls them back to the position before, knees on either side of Maki.  “I’m turned on and you’re still going to be bottom.”

She undoes Maki’s shirt with haste, stopping at the buttons briefly before spreading it open to reveal Maki’s laced black bra that she half expected to see. View? Magnificent. “Woah there.” Nico breathes out.

“Like what you see?”

“No. It’s always the black one.” Nico frowns, if only to wipe that smirk off Maki’s face.  

“You seem to like it though.”

“You’re boring.” She hushes Maki up with another kiss, “Remind me to go lingerie shopping with you.”

She kisses down Maki’s neck, trailing down the shoulders and removing the left strap with her teeth. Maki heaves, as Nico’s hand plays with her other breast, teeth caressing one. She soon moves on to the next phase, her right hand travels down down _down,_ down that toned abdomen and between her legs. It slips under the pants and Maki lets out an involuntary small gasp.

“You’re wet.” Nico grins. She could feel it through Maki’s underwear. “Aren’t you a little excited?”

“And you aren’t?” Maki reaches under the camisole and into the place she seeks the most, fingers diving into the hottest spot and coming out moist. “What were you saying again?” Maki grins, caressing Nico’s cheeks with the same fingers and leaving wet trails behind.

“I’m saying-” Nico splutters with embarrassment.

“You’ve been straddling my waist for a while now Nico.” Maki licks her lips and eyes at the liquid dripping down her fingers. “It’s hot. And wet.”

“I’m saying we should just. No,” Nico puts her fingers into Maki’s mouth, “Have a taste of your own. Shut up and let me _take you_ .” She bites down on her lips when Maki sucks on her digits, the urge to just surrender to Maki is so _strong._

She undoes her hair ties in a grand flourish with her free hand, twintails coming down smooth like silk. Maki eyes her openly, and Nico laughs, before removing her camisole.

“Like what you’re seeing?” She throws the words back. A weak nod from Maki, who is now biting on her own lips.

“I do, too.” Nico breathes, drinking in the sight of Nishikino Maki topless. Lip biting? Illegal.

The zipper on Maki’s pants comes undone like how Maki spreads her legs when Nico kisses down her stomach. Nico removes the offending clothing hastily, throwing it in the direction of the tie.

And she dives in, two fingers straight away, into the wettest region. It’s a familiar notion, she _knows_ where Maki likes it the most, fingers slipping into the same routine. She pumps them in and out, hearing Maki’s corresponding moans like fingers hitting the piano.

“Maki,” Nico bites down on Maki’s exposed nipple, “You’re so _hot._ ”

Maki moans into her neck, and Nico has half the mind to stick fingers inside herself. She curls her fingers inwards, feeling Maki thrash slightly, muttering her name over and over.

“Nico.” Maki says softly, wrapping her arms around Nico’s back. And that’s all she whispers.

Nico flicks Maki’s clit with her thumb in a haste to end her own torture, hearing Maki speak of her name with a tone like that only serves to further turn her on. Maki lets out a hoarse cry, a sound that sets Nico on fire, coming undone after.

They return breathing heavily, eyes locked on each other, want reflects in both colours. Maki purses her mouth in a self-satisfied smile, and reaches under Nico’s thighs, pulling her towards her face.

“Don’t you dare Maki,” Nico warns. “No teasing.” She says simply. If Maki teases, she might actually leave and get off on her own.

“I won’t.” Maki says, kissing Nico’s inner thighs. She moves on quickly, tongue reaching the its destination. Nico groans, clamping her thighs tight on either side of Maki’s head.

“Makiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” Nico whines. It barely takes her a minute, the sight of Maki below her, the thought of Maki _eating her out,_ and the face Maki makes, with occasional glances upwards is enough to send her over immediately.

And then she too comes undone, Maki barely hears the sound of her name through her muffled ears.

“I’m dizzy.” Nico manages to breathe out after.

“Alcohol?

She grabs the blanket and wipes Maki’s face off. “Nope.” _Dizzy because I love you so much._

Maki pulls her down and into her arms, holding her close. “Rest up then. Let’s go to sleep.”

“Maki?”

“What is it?”

“Goodnight kiss.” Nico says simply, leaving a light kiss on Maki’s nose.

She tucks Nico’s hair behind her ears and kisses her cheeks.

“Goodnight Nico.”

 

* * *

 

 

There is something off about this scene. She doesn’t wake up to an empty house cold, nor to the feeling of loss. She feels fulfilled and content, like all the missing puzzle pieces come together, _complete._ Sunlight filters through the half raised blinds and bathes them both in warmth.  

The words flow naturally, especially since she means it. She wanted to say it for a while now.

“Hey, I love you.”

 

 


	2. Let's go home?

Slipping out of Maki’s apartment is nothing short of difficult. Because Maki, the girl who used to sleep through Nico’s morning cooking ritual, developed the frightening ability to wake straight up from bed the moment she hears something louder than the decibels that locks produced.

 Sure, she stole a pair of sunglasses from Maki and a beret to go with, a piece of sundress from the closet, and triple checked to make sure she at least looks decent, but even if she is in incognito mode, there is always this slight fear that never left. She really has her popularity to blame.

Nico takes her coat from the hanger and bids the silent house goodbye, shutting the door with an odd feeling of regret. Twenty-four days of no updates regarding Maki’s life, that makes it more than _three weeks._ And she’s not going to get an answer anytime soon.

That’s how she spends her mornings, Yazawa Nico thinks about them and the possibility of them being so much more. Nico thinks about her closest friend, a stubborn idiot; she thinks about red hair twirled between her fingertips and Maki’s lips on her own. Regret hits her full in the face, nausea hits and she lurches forward. She bends over and supports herself with a bench in the park they frequent; the yellowed leaves, the feel of the bench under her touch, everything reminds her of Maki.

_Just what is she doing really?_

It takes her barely fifteen minutes to reach home, cold air greets her like a familiar friend, she throws her keys onto her desk and plops herself back on the bed. The soft toy (a yellow cat) that Maki gave her four years ago sits squarely on the chair across, taunting her with its beady eyes _. Hug me, it says_.

She gives in of course and hugs it close to her chest. They lie in silence like this for a while, till her sense of duty nags. Almost reluctantly, Nico reaches for her phone and dials a number she memorized by heart.

She hears a soft voice and spends a few seconds just listening _–_ Kotori’s voice is as soothing as ever.

“Nico-chan?” Kotori pips up from the other end, “You’re late today?”

“Could you tend to the flower shop alone?” Nico breathes into the phone heavily, screwing her face up in disgust when she smells the alcohol from last night. She looks at her fingers with equal revulsion – they are still a little sticky. “I… don’t feel so well today.”

“Is everything fine?” Kotori asks, in that soft voice. It is just so _difficult,_ having to tell everybody else that she is fine with Maki, when it is everything but.

“Yeah. Could use a drink probably.” She spits out, noticing the edge in her voice when the word drink rolls over the tongue.

“Don’t work yourself too hard Nico-chan. You still have that show to go to tomorrow.” There is a pregnant pause, before Kotori adds on, “And two photo shoots over the weekend, and that schedule-”

“I know.” She cuts Kotori off, not quite willing to deal with this right now. Nico finishes with a soft goodbye and clicks her phone shut. Life is hard, especially when you have to deal with an estranged almost ex and the politics of the entertainment field. Even harder when she _isn’t_ actually that popular.

There is a part of her that wishes everything between them was purely physical, and sometimes it almost feels like it is. But there were moments that kills her over and over, when Maki looks at her with eyes so sad it drags her heart through hell and fire.

Messy scribbles fill her calendar on the wall, a look at it almost brings her to her knees. She is so very tired. And even then, Nico tries, maybe she truly is a masochist or something. She takes a look at Maki’s contact, a picture of her smiling, and feels herself soften, giving in to whatever positive feelings she has left. Six years of crushing on Nishikino Maki has that effect on her, making her a fool.

_‘Try not to be late for internship ok? I kinda made breakfast before I left so eat them sleepy head.’_

She leaves the message and sends it, internally berating herself for being so _weak_. She doesn’t look at the phone till the day is over, and she knows there really is no need to, because it is almost like empty mails to no one.

Other than their conversation last night, Maki hasn’t replied to a single message she sent over the month.

* * *

   
She drags herself out after a shower anyway, and by midday Nico finds herself down the familiar path to a place that she never knew that she would come to love so much. It feels nice to be in sneakers and not heels for one and her footsteps spring without her noticing.

It’s a small quaint place that they managed to rent, just a few streets down her home and right beside a café. The mixed scent of coffee and flowers hits her, its familiarity so soothing, nothing really makes her at ease (other than Maki), and Nico is glad she found home in this.

“Miss me?” Nico pokes her head around the glass door, one hand doing her signature hand sign. There’s no one at the counter, odd for a Sunday. A quick survey around the shop tells her that Kotori probably had a hell of a morning, with all the discarded papers and flowers haphazardly put together at a corner.

She slams a hand down the bell anyways, feeling the inner child return, readying her smile. Not a moment later there’s a startled gasp, and then a small yelp; she hears a crash and then the half-opened staff door opens to a distressed Kotori.

“Nico-chan!” Her junior breathes out after taking a moment to register, relief written all over her face, “We had quite a bit of pre-orders today; two orders from Miss Blue umbrella and that lady down the street-”

“Woah there.” She bursts into laughter, “I just came in, let me have a moment.”

“I missed you!”

“I know you did.” Nico winks and put a hand across her chest, “Everyone misses Nico when she’s gone.” Maybe except Maki, she smiles bitterly. Kotori hands her a cup of coffee and she takes a sip. Yep the bitter shit that Maki loves.

“What did you mess up inside?” She questions finally, letting the liquid wash over the lingering taste of alcohol and orange.

“Eheh…” Kotori sticks a tongue out, “I-I just dropped the pot that I was going to bring home today. And maybe… a few orders…”

“What will you do without me?” Nico laughs, ruffling Kotori’s already messy hair. Her junior pouts, adamant, and she combs it back for her, fingers running through those ash grey hair. A unique colour, she has never seen anyone with hair like this, and its strangely addicting.

“Wait for customers to come!”

There’s that soft giggle that she loves, Kotori puts a smile to her face more often than she likes to think. “I’m convinced half of our customer base are actually your fans Nico-chan.”

“You flatter me,” Nico winks and finger guns, “But you know that is the truth.” They laugh and the flowers sing, and for a moment it feels as if everything is fine.

Until Kotori pops the question.

“So, what got you down today?”

It is a question she didn’t really quite expect; Nico considers lying, just so briefly, but years of working with her fellow florist taught her that it would be a futile and pointless attempt.

“Oh, nothing much. Maki, I guess,” She says, and the image of Maki sleeping peacefully on her bed gets conjured up. The tightness in her chest returns, and she misses the cat on her bed. Nico bites her lips and waits for Kotori’s next question to hit, eyes focused on the sunlight through the window.

‘Maki’s hair glows in the morning’, a thought arrives; she could almost feel the soft hair in her fingers, red strands a contrast against the colour of her own skin.

“What’s wrong?” Kotori asks again, already returning to work amidst the sea of flowers. An order was already wrapped up neatly beside just in the span of ten minutes. A bundle of marigolds.

And _this_ is how it always goes.

“Oh just.” Nico gestures slightly, “She texted me.” She pulls up a chair and sits behind the counter, hands reaching for the bills and orders. The cup of coffee is left drained and empty. “Nothing unusual.”

“And…? She hasn’t texted you in a while right?”

She curses under her breath, Kotori just _has_ that ability to pull everything out of her.

“Logically speaking, it is _impossible_ for somebody to _forget_ about your text over the course of the entire day. Not to mention she didn’t reply me over three weeks Kotori? Miss me with that bullshit, it’s all about whether you wanna reply. And this girl, this girl told me she’s _busy?_ ” She punches the numbers into the calculator with vehemence, “And then she texts me whenever she wants? What’s with that?”

Nico grits her teeth.

“You replied, Nico-chan?”

She punches the equate sign squarely in the middle. “Yes, I did! Because I am stupid.” And in a smaller voice she continues, “But I guess this is better than ignoring me for half a year straight. I just thought…. we fixed it already.”

There is an agreeing hum, and then Kotori hands her a small bundle of hydrangeas. “Wanna bring some home Nico-chan?”

“No,” She fills in the last blank on the paper, an order to be delivered to the Nishikino hospital, and blinks the wetness away.

“I texted her today.” A tear managed to escape anyways, and she looks away from Kotori. “After I left the house.”

“She is not going to reply, is she?” Nico asks, in a voice that’s barely a whisper. “I don’t even know why I’m so concerned about this texting thing. I just. I guess I just want her to talk to me.”

“How do you know she wouldn’t?” This time Kotori pats her head, “It’ll be fine in the end.”  
  


* * *

   
There’s just this thing about college that drives people crazy, be it the schedules or the sleepless nights. Maki would like to think it’s _college_ that’s making her feel this way, but god knows books aren’t the things that keep her up at night. And she hates to admit that Nico is most probably right, but burying herself in work is the only thing she is truly good at.

She wakes up in the morning to an empty bed, it _shouldn’t_ come as a surprise; they are mere friends, and nothing much. Nico always leaves, and she wishes Nico hadn’t. It is a particularly cold morning, even with the heaters at full blast. Her mind trails to Nico’s apartment, one _without_ heater and feels her heart ache.

“It wasn’t like I _said_ she couldn’t stay,” She mutters under her breath, feeling just that tiny bit of resentment welling up. She buries her face into the pillow and yells, the tension eases just so slightly.

There are things that she _should_ be saying, and things that she should be asking.

_What are we?_

_Mere friends._

She answers her own questions and closes her eyes, wishing for rest. And still, sleep eludes her, she thinks about Nico’s hand in her own, her _mistakes_ and the things she never told Nico about.

That’s how she spends her mornings, Nishikino Maki thinks about them and the possibility of them being so much more. Maki thinks about her closest friend, a prideful idiot; she thinks about jet-black hair twirled between her fingertips and Nico’s lips on her own.

She hugs Nico’s pillow and falls asleep till the alarm rings.

The first thing she notices when her phone blasts isn’t the noticeable clock face right smack in the middle of the screen, but something else in the background. A text has arrived, and she sees Nico’s contact icon flashing, from two hours ago.

Maki unlocks it apprehensively, it brings her to the chat she spent days reading, and days crying over.

_‘Try not to be late for internship ok? I kinda made breakfast before I left so eat them sleepy head.’_

She spends the morning scrolling through all the texts that she never replied to, over a reheated breakfast of sausage and eggs, feeling guilt eating away inside.

She doesn’t reply when her afternoons were filled with cadavers and blood, she doesn’t reply till the night is over and she barely makes it home without collapsing straight onto the couch.

_‘Thank you’_

Her phone tells her it’s Christmas eve. She hits send and wishes for Nico to appear in her dreams.  
  


* * *

   
The train conductor blasts his whistle, and Nico almost makes a dash for it before noticing that her train isn’t due in another twenty minutes. The station is bustling with crowds going home, they really shouldn’t make Christmas such a huge deal, she grimaces under her breath as another kid steps on her foot.

Two more hours till home sweet home, yet it feels almost bittersweet. She will be going somewhere where Maki doesn’t exist.

Her phone has been vibrating non-stop this morning, a planned meet up between the muse members is a given every year and it’s really the only thing she looks forward to Rin hasn’t stopped messaging since she woke up, and Honoka has been telling everyone about her Christmas bread varieties.

_‘Boarding the train in 10’_

The absence of Maki’s icon is the usual, but she can nonetheless hope; it hits her the hardest when she thinks about Maki being all excited about Christmas back in high school.

_’I’ll see y’all soon :D’_

She hits send and plugs her earphones in, five more minutes and she would be out of this place. The thank you text that Maki replied is left unopened, she cracks a smile before closing her phone.

And then she hears Maki’s voice – _Daring!!_ shuffled on. Has Maki ever loved singing? It’s a doubt that only grows the older they get. The train before finally leaves the station, an odd sense of loss hits when she sees the rail way, she walks to her designated carriage and waits.

Till she sees fleeting red hair among the sea of people, a colour that glows in the morning, and a face that she would recognize anywhere.

She no longer hears Maki on her earphones; she removes it and looks on incredulously.

“What?”

“W-what.” Maki pants out, hair dishevelled, with a backpack that has a strap broken. In front of her lies a person that obviously isn’t prepared to go home, and Nico has half a mind to wrap her arms around Maki and half a mind wanting to _scream._

“Why are you here at the station?” She asks the only logical question she should be asking. Its _noon,_ and Maki shouldn’t be here on a _Monday._ Let alone being right by her side.

“I’m bound for Tokyo. Ticket says carriage 5B.”

She curses under her breath as she recalls that _picture_ of her train ticket that she sent muse early in the morning. So _Maki_ does read the chats.

“What a _coincidence_. And you’re going home?” She gestures at the electronic board overhead, “Sure you don’t have somewhere else to be right now Maki-chan?”

“Home yes.” Maki pants out, squinting a little at the honorific. “Do you mind?” Her junior parks herself squarely in front, cutting her queue.

“In doctor scrubs?” Nico raises an eyebrow questioningly, they are already attracting attention from the people nearby.

“Occupational hazard.” Maki replies immediately. And then she turns to the people behind, “Sorry, we were kinda together.. I just went to the washroom.”

“And you’re not cold? When it’s ten degrees?”

“About that… I could use some help here,” Maki opens her backpack to books and nothing else, “I forgot clothes.” She finishes lamely and waits, expectant eyes on Nico.

“I-I refuse.” Nico splutters out in amazement, “And we are _not_ kinda together.”

“You’re going to watch me freeze to death?” Maki asks wide-eyed. The cold is starting to seep in after that mad dash around the station, and adrenaline is fading. Even though her heart pounds just as intensely.

“If you have time to get a ticket I don’t see why you would forget about your clothes.”

“I had to beg people for it.”

“And you _just had to get the same carriage.”_

“Actually, you sit beside me.”

Nico ignores the statement and curses, “What the hell Maki? I don’t even know what you’re doing anymore.”

And reluctantly Nico pulls out _Maki’s_ sweater, one that she was planning to wear. And one that she doesn’t intend to have the owner see. She is _weak_ when Nishikino Maki is involved.

“You have my sweater?” Maki asks softly. She pulls it on, feeling warmth returning.

“And you have my underwear. Wear it and shut up.” Nico whispers back.

They spend the rest of the time waiting in silence, till the train conductor blasts his whistle, and the wheels on the train rattle on the railway.

“Let’s go home?” Maki says, and Nico lets her junior lead her by her pinkie. The carriage door slides shut, whistles blast, reminding her of their trips back then.

And she doesn’t smile until Maki falls asleep beside her.

 


End file.
